


That Obligatory Banter Fic

by StormAnon



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games)
Genre: Banter, F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-09-17 09:57:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16972443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormAnon/pseuds/StormAnon
Summary: In which Hawke has Feelings at and about the Inquisitor's inner circle, Morrigan and Leliana have Feelings at each other, and nobody enjoys being honest even a little bit.





	That Obligatory Banter Fic

THE IRON BULL: Hey, Basalit-an.  
HAWKE: Please, you flatter me! Just "Hawke" is fine.  
THE IRON BULL: Sure, sure. Hawke.  
THE IRON BULL: Did you _really_ kill the Arishok in single combat?  
HAWKE: Well, normally I'd have had my crew help out, but I thought letting them toss around stabby blood magic and turn into glowy abominations in front of every noble in Kirkwall was a bad idea.  
HAWKE: Why do you ask?  
THE IRON BULL: Well, it's just, he maybe wasn't our best fighter, but he was still a really good one.  
THE IRON BULL: Also, a really _big_ one.  
HAWKE: And I'm just a little human?  
THE IRON BULL: Well, yeah.  
HAWKE: But look, I've got a _really_ big sword.

HAWKE: So, Cullen. Taking marching orders from a lifelong apostate?  
HAWKE: Is the Inquisitor "people," then, after all, just like you and me?  
CULLEN: I admit, I was wrong to have said that. It was not my proudest moment.  
HAWKE: Are you sure, Knight-Captain? I don't know if I could find a prouder one. You were so wrong about so _many_ things. If you like I can make you a list.  
CULLEN: I suppose I deserve that.  
HAWKE: Oh, no, Cullen. For what you allowed? For what you _incited_? You should have been first in line for the Red at Therinfal. You could finally be the monster on the outside that you always were at heart. My scorn is the absolute least of what you _deserve_.  
CULLEN: (bitter laugh)  
HAWKE: What?  
CULLEN: You know, there was actually a time that I believed we were friends.  
CULLEN: I suppose you can add that bit of idiocy to your list as well.

LELIANA: I heard you and Mother Giselle in the gardens yesterday.  
MORRIGAN: Hardly surprising. We were making no effort to speak privately.  
LELIANA: What's surprising is Morrigan of the Wilds having a polite conversation about religion with a Chantry mother.  
MORRIGAN: There is more useful truth in such tales and stories than I once believed. You were right about that.  
LELIANA: Did I say that? It feels so long ago. Like a whole other life, where we were different people entirely.  
MORRIGAN: Perhaps we were. I certainly do not feel like the same frightened, angry child who argued with Alistair over the last bowl of soup.  
LELIANA: You know, that never made sense to me.  
LELIANA: I'm quite sure there wasn't one cauldron of soup that entire year that didn't taste like feet.  
MORRIGAN: Well I never _ate_ it, of course. 'Twas the _principle_ of the thing.

HAWKE: So I have to ask, First Enchanter.  
VIVIENNE: Oh, this I must hear.  
HAWKE: All the standing around on open balconies on mountaintops. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the aesthetic, but don't you get cold?  
VIVIENNE: My dear Lady Hawke, it is the simplest of primal magic to stay warm in the face of a blizzard. I would expect the guardian of apostates to be familiar with such things.  
HAWKE: Really? You use magic for that? I would have expected you to find that sort of thing a bit... frivolous.  
VIVIENNE: [laughter] If not to combine comfort with aesthetic, whatever is magic even for?  
HAWKE: I don't know. Protecting the weak? Healing the hurt?  
VIVIENNE: Oh my, you _are_ an idealist, aren't you.

HAWKE: You really thought we were friends?  
CULLEN: Of course. Didn't you encourage me to?  
CULLEN: I was your man inside the Order. A source of information, a shield for your sister, perhaps even a voice in your defense against the Knight-Commander when you needed one?  
HAWKE: ... You know, you're smarter than you used to be.  
CULLEN: We can only hope.

THE IRON BULL: So, what was he like?  
HAWKE: Who?  
THE IRON BULL: The Arishok. Guys as far down the totem pole as me never even get to see him in person.  
HAWKE: Oh, he was a fun guy. We had lots of great talks.  
HAWKE: This one time I asked him how the Qunari were getting along after four years without a third of their government.  
HAWKE: "They follow the Qun," he says.  
HAWKE: I told him that wasn't really an answer, so of course he goes,  
HAWKE: "It is the only answer. I am not responsible for your failure to understand."  
HAWKE: Such a charmer. I can't imagine why so many of his men went Tal-Vashoth.

MORRIGAN: You were right, before. Neither of us are who we were then.  
LELIANA: You say that with a note of condemnation, I think.  
MORRIGAN: 'Twas but an observation. We were never friends of the sort who have leave to judge each other, if we were friends at all.  
MORRIGAN: But surely you do not disagree? You are hardly the gregarious softhearted storyteller I knew during the Blight.  
LELIANA: Am I a different person? Or have I simply admitted to still being who I have always been. Who I need to be to do the Maker's work.  
MORRIGAN: Ah, yes, spreading kindness and light across the world. It seems odd to me that such a job could be done with cruelty and death, but I still have much to learn about your faith.  
LELIANA: There is the acerbic Morrigan I used to know! Perhaps you haven't changed entirely yourself.

CULLEN: I wanted to thank you for last night.  
HAWKE: Don't mention it.  
CULLEN: I understand. It was kind of you to be so... forbearing, in spite of how you feel about me.  
HAWKE: What you're doing right now? This definitely counts as "mentioning it."  
CULLEN: Of course. I'm sorry. I'll say no more.  
CULLEN: But I should at least apologize for my rudeness.  
CULLEN: Wandering cold ramparts after midnight is hardly the act of a restful person, but I never asked if _you_ were alright.  
HAWKE: Let's just say you're not the only one who dreams of demons, and leave it at that.

COLE: She stands alone, dark eyes full of questions, strong hands wrapped in rosewood, twisted, twisting, "you kept the ring."  
MORRIGAN: 'Tis an old wound, spirit, long lived with. Your concern is kind, but unnecessary.  
COLE: Hope flares and dies in the same heartbeat; she is duty, purpose, needed and knowing, for all her love she will not follow. I don't understand.  
COLE: Why didn't she come with you? She wanted to. Her leaving hurt you both.  
MORRIGAN: Well, when put in that light, I suppose it was simply her turn.

VIVIENNE: Your sister is quite the accomplished mage.  
HAWKE: Was that an honest compliment, or should I be waiting for a knife behind the silk?  
VIVIENNE: It was entirely sincere. It's a shame your parents denied her the benefits of the Circle.  
HAWKE: Ah, and there it is.  
VIVIENNE: She would have risen easily with proper training. She could be a First Enchanter in her own right, by now. I would think you would appreciate what a boon that would be to her. I have every freedom she does, after all, and more, in not being hunted as an apostate.  
HAWKE: Do you really.  
VIVIENNE: But of course I do, dear. Look around.  
HAWKE: Hm, well, you know what I don't see.  
VIVIENNE: Please, do tell.  
HAWKE: The one thing my father, an accomplished Circle Mage with "every freedom," actually wanted. A family. A simple life in the country. A child on his knee.  
HAWKE: When your Circle can give Beth the choice to be a mother or grow barley or sing in the local Chantry choir, we can talk, First Enchanter.  
HAWKE: Until then, I will remain quite satisfied with my father's decision to raise an apostate.

MORRIGAN: I understand you still write to the Warden.  
LELIANA: "The Warden." You cannot mean Blackwall, for he lives in the castle. Captain Howe in Amaranthine, perhaps?  
MORRIGAN: _Our_ Warden, then, if you prefer that? Or you could simply answer the question, since you know exactly of which Warden I speak.  
LELIANA: Are you still so angry at her that you can't even speak her name?  
MORRIGAN: If we are inquiring about things which are none of our business, what does she think of your new profession?  
LELIANA: You believe she does not approve.  
MORRIGAN: You tell me. You seem to be the mind-reader in this conversation.  
LELIANA: You're right, Morrigan. It _isn't_ any of your business.

VIVIENNE: Lady Hawke, you surprise me.  
HAWKE: What have I done now?  
VIVIENNE: I watched you at Halamshiral, and I admit I have been underestimating you. You are truly skilled at the Game.  
HAWKE: You are sorely mistaken, First Enchanter, if you believe I want the first thing to do with your disgusting Orleisan frivolities. Or their all-too-deadly consequences for everyone else.  
VIVIENNE: And that is exactly your gift! The most canny nobles forget to guard their secrets against the hayseed Ferelden in the belief that you won't recognize their importance, and freely trade favors thinking you won't know their worth.  
VIVIENNE: And at the end of the night you walk away with enough material to blackmail the whole court twice over.  
VIVIENNE: It's quite brilliant, really. How better to master the Game than to seem not even to play?  
VIVIENNE: I see now how you accomplished so much at Chateau Haine.  
HAWKE: I beg your pardon, Your Worship, but do you mind if we make camp by that river to the south tonight? I feel a sudden desperate need for a bath.

HAWKE: You really want to know how I beat the Arishok?  
THE IRON BULL: Of course!  
HAWKE: You use the dragon magic. Have you ever noticed that it isn't just physical pain that gives you strength?  
THE IRON BULL: I'm not sure I have, no.  
HAWKE: Give it a try. Imagine spending a decade on the run, afraid for everyone you care about, always carrying the burdens of everyone around you.  
HAWKE: Then one day, someone makes you smile. Shows you real joy, real freedom, doesn't want or need anything from you, just makes you _happy_ , for the first time in your life.  
HAWKE: Now imagine that the worst thing that could ever happen to a person is about to happen to her and you can't do a damn thing to stop it.  
HAWKE: It just might hurt enough to let you kill an Arishok.  
HAWKE: ....  
HAWKE: Why is the Seeker looking at me like I'm a basket of adorable puppies?  
CASSANDRA: I am not!

COLE: Healing hands warm on hot skin, sticky salve stinging, shame stinging worse, _what if really I am what she said_ , but there's a salve for that too. Words quiet, calming, cleansing, steady light in fog of fear, "We are who we choose to be."  
LELIANA: Leave it be, Cole.  
COLE: You think you're like her, but you're not. Everything she did she did for her. Everything you do you do for someone else. For her, for Dorothea, for your Maker.  
LELIANA: Does it matter? I still do it.  
COLE: But your friend was right. You can still choose to stop.

HAWKE: Cullen... I was wrong before.  
HAWKE: What happened to you... it doesn't excuse what you did. Nothing possibly could. But you don't deserve what's happening to you now, either.  
CULLEN: No? I imagine the survivors of the Gallows might not agree.  
HAWKE: You think they want justice.  
CULLEN: Of course.  
HAWKE: Like you did after Uldred?  
CULLEN: ...I should answer for what I was a part of.  
HAWKE: Pain for pain? Fear for fear? Torture for abuse, until there's not a shred of humanity left in the Maker's sight and we're all just hollow, maddened shells?  
HAWKE: Justice builds, Cullen. It heals. It strengthens the weak, it _ends_ suffering. Answering pain with more pain isn't justice.  
HAWKE: It's vengeance.  
HAWKE: And believe me, no one benefits from that.

LELIANA: You think _"our Warden"_ disapproves of me? Of subterfuge and assassination?  
MORRIGAN: Good evening to you as well, Spymaster.  
LELIANA: As though she did not lie and betray to get us through Haven. Through Denerim! She had Marjolaine killed, did you know?  
LELIANA: After she told me not to. For all her fine words about mercy. They found my master dead with a crow feather in her hand that very night. How do you suppose that happened? Was it ordered by a woman who disdains a knife in the dark?  
MORRIGAN: In fact it was Zevran's idea, as I recall the event.  
LELIANA: ... what?  
MORRIGAN: He came to her room that night and asked to be released from his oath for a single evening, before the trail went cold.  
MORRIGAN: He admitted to being concerned for you, though I suspect he thought it a lie to mask his true motive. I argued that she would be a danger to us while we travelled together, and convinced myself it was the truth.  
MORRIGAN: I do not know why the Warden agreed, but it weighed on her. She slept poorly that night, and for several nights after.  
LELIANA: I...  
MORRIGAN: I cannot say what she would think of what you do. There is much about her that I will never understand. But whatever her intentions then, they were meant honestly. She loved you far too much for anything less.

HAWKE: Vivienne, may I... speak with you for a moment?  
VIVIENNE: Oh my. No sneering title, no skeptical eyebrow, no unconscious grip on your sword as though you'd prefer skewering me with it to talking. The Hero of the Mage Rebellion can't possibly want a _favor_ from the hated Loyalist?  
HAWKE: It's not a favor for _me_ , Vivienne, I'm not delusional. No matter what Varic says about that talking spider in Lowtown.  
HAWKE: But surely my son is an innocent in our... differences of opinion?  
VIVIENNE: Well, of course, that is something else altogether. What can I do for little Leander?  
HAWKE: He's - I - look, I'm sure you've noticed there aren't many people in the South who can style Rivaini hair.  
VIVIENNE: Lady Hawke, why do you imagine I shave mine?  
HAWKE: Right. Well. Chasind hair is flatter than fitted sheets, so my own style has always been - well, honestly, I never even learned to make a braid, and last time Isabela tried to teach me to comb out Leo's it ended with me banned from touching his head for a week. I guess I was hoping....  
VIVIENNE: Very well then, my dear. I suppose we shall have to get along for a short while, for Leander's sake.

MORRIGAN: You keep staring at me.  
LELIANA: You wanted Marjolaine dead to protect me.  
MORRIGAN: I did, though I would never have admitted it at the time. What of it?  
LELIANA: I'm just... not sure I understand.  
MORRIGAN: Truly? The concept seems nearer your comfort zone than mine.  
MORRIGAN: You were kind to me, though I gave you no reason to be, and in fact often provoked you otherwise.  
MORRIGAN: I do not know if you would have called us friends, but you were the closest I had ever had to such a thing. How could I not hope for your safety?  
LELIANA: I... had never felt we were. Friends, that is. But I wanted to be.  
MORRIGAN: If I seem to judge you for how you have changed, 'tis not for the Warden's sake, or for ego or some petty sense of fun.  
MORRIGAN: I have simply learned something more of friendship, since then. And I would pay it back to one who has more than earned it of me.

HAWKE: You've been talking to my sister. Should I be worried?  
CULLEN: I've been thinking about what you said. That suffering isn't justice.  
CULLEN: I've put aside responsibility for what happened in Kirkwall. I thought that even if I did cause... undue pain...  
CULLEN: That leaving the Templars, giving up lyrium, could answer for it. That it was enough to move on and try to be a better man.  
HAWKE: And now?  
CULLEN: You were right. I did that for me. Any pain that resulted does nothing to help the mages I've hurt.  
CULLEN: I thought perhaps Bethany would know of a way I could begin to do something for them.

VIVIENNE: Hawke my dear.  
HAWKE: ... yes?  
VIVIENNE: So cautious! I only wanted to say that Leander looked quite handsome this morning.  
HAWKE: ...thank you.  
VIVIENNE: It is only the truth. Whatever your other failings, you are a loving mother, and that is worth approbation.  
HAWKE: Well. Whatever _your_ other failings, you're a very clear and patient teacher, which I suppose warrants acknowledgement too.  
VIVIENNE: Why my dear Hawke, thank _you_.  
HAWKE: ...  
VIVIENNE: ...  
HAWKE: Of course you're still a selfish, imperious elitist who would drag her own people into slavery under the arrogant delusion that she alone knows what's good for them.  
VIVIENNE: And you're still a short-sighted, naive, overreaching fool who wants to violently enforce a dangerous opinion of an experience that she's never had on the people to whom the decision actually belongs.  
HAWKE: Right. Thanks, First Enchanter. Good talk.

LELIANA: I do write to her, you know.  
MORRIGAN: Yes, I... I heard you speak of it to the Inquisitor.  
LELIANA: Is there something you wanted to know? Something you want me to tell her?  
MORRIGAN: No, I simply... She is well?  
LELIANA: I believe so. Her letters are often long. Thoughtful, unharried. Sometimes grim, but I think no more than she was when we travelled together.  
MORRIGAN: ... thank you.  
LELIANA: Of course.  
LELIANA: It's the least I can do for a friend.

**Author's Note:**

> For a kmeme prompt that was essentially just "gimmie yer banter." I dislike Cullen's lack of an actual redemption arc and Morrigan and Leliana's lack of uh. Anything. in DA:I so here's a bit of that, and also some Adrian and Vivienne because the idea of them being forced to interact is absolutely _hilarious_ to me and makes me pity them both.


End file.
